i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
