Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
