You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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