So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
