I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
