Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
The beer is more important than you right now.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
