her vagine was all disorganized.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize