I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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