She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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