there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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