I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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