Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize