Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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