Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
