OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
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