Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
