Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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