we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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