so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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