As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
