I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
