yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
