There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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