I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
