I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
