I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Randomize
