Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
