I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
