holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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