I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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