This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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