your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
