So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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