I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
