honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
