so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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