So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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