That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
