if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize