Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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