I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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