no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
