I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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