I'm pants shitting drunk right now
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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