she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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