I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Randomize
