I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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