i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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