sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
