i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
