Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Randomize
