Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
