My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
