Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
