There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
