He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
