Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
