...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize