We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
