This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
