I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Holy shit dude........stairs
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
