We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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