Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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