I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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