Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
