The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize