Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
