Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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