I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Randomize
