If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
