Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
