coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
