legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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