you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
