dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Randomize
