Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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