i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
