Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
