my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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