Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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