Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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