Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
