Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Damn victory sex feels great
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
