and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
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