she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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