i wish peter jackson would direct porn
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
